That was the weekend that was... FUN

Last week I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I decided to take today as a vacation day.  (That is another perk of my hateful job - lots of paid vacation and holidays.)  I spent the past three days doing a lot of the things I love, like babysit my granddaughter and visit with my daughter and talk to my son and my dad on the phone; watch some movies, play with my Nook, blog; cook, bake, eat; spend time with my sweetie (who brought lunch one day and dinner the next!); knit, dig in the compost, shop online for more stuff to knit and grow; etc. etc. and so forth.  Now I am pretending that I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

Scratch that itch

Wednesday night I came this close to purchasing an iPad.  My SO and I went to Best Buy to check them out.  And they ARE cool.  Having done my research ahead of time, I knew what features I wanted.  The store had two iPads in stock, one matching my criteria.  But when I added up the cost for the gadget plus all the accouterments, the total was close to $1000.  That gave me pause.  Enough pause that we walked.

While shopping for odds and ends at Target, I continued to debate whether to get the iPad, which led to a discussion of whether I had a tendency toward denying myself pleasure.  My SO said, no, that I was just being a Libra, weighing the pros and cons (ad nauseam, I might add).  Also, even though my mother has been gone for almost 40 years, I still hear her voice in my head, saying, "But you don't NEED one."  Even so, when we reached the checkout, I turned to my SO and said, "You know we're going back to Best Buy, don't you?"

And back we went, but the model I wanted had already been sold.  Thanks, Mom.

I'm not the kind of person who purchases things in hopes that they will make up for what is missing in my life.  For one thing, there is not much missing.  For another, I have never been particularly attached to things.  When asked by my kids what I wanted for my birthday, I could never think of any things, but there were other non-tangible gifts I would have liked.  Like someone to clean the litter box.  I suggested that once, but was told no.  Giving things is so much easier than giving oneself.

Anyway, over the next two days, I continued to examine the iPad issue.  Would I regret buying it or not buying it?  Maybe I would be happier/better off with a new laptop.  Or a Nook.  Or a different, less expensive model of the iPad.  I would lean one way, then read an article that would tilt me the other.

And was "the universe" telling me NOT to buy the iPad?  Friday after work, I tested that possibility again, by stopping by another Best Buy.  Nope, they had none in stock, except some old models.  Well, okay then.  As I was leaving the shopping center, though, my car magically found its way to Barnes & Noble.  About 15 minutes later, I headed home, a new Nook in my possession.

And I was very happy.  I scratched the itch to buy myself something frivolous, but without spending so much money.  Win win.  Even my mother might understand.

P.S.  The sales people in B&N are WAY nicer than the staff at Best Buy.

Temptation

I have never owned an Apple product.  No iPod, no iPhone, no Mac.  And yet I am strangely tempted to treat myself to an iPad 2.  I'm just not sure I would make good use of it.  Would I read books on it?  Do crossword puzzles?  Blog?  Or would I just carry it around because I want to look cool?  My head says, Don't waste your money, but my heart says, For once in your life, buy something frivolous!  I'm such a Calvinist.

Many years ago, Judith Viorst wrote a book called Necessary Losses.  When I read it, I was too young to really get it.  Now, as I have had to give up one thing or another, I do.  After years of responsible alcohol consumption, I planned to do some serious drinking in my late middle age, only to lose my tolerance for booze.  I am still pretty limber, but the aches and pains are starting to catch up with me.  This morning, on the tail end of a hormonal roller coaster ride, I actually wanted to have a baby.  Thank god that is not even remotely possible anymore, but it still makes me sad to think so much is behind me now.

It's not that I don't have things to look forward to, or that I don't appreciate what is in my life right now.  It's just that suddenly my life is about two-thirds over.  When you are five years old, a year represents 20% of your life - the time between Christmases or birthdays is interminable.  When a year feels more like 1 or 2%, though, the days fly.

So, do I want to spend my (relatively) few days left on earth obsessing over an electronic gadget in hand?  Damn straight!

The week in review

• Monday - I work at one of those places that goes through the motions of annual reviews.  These are also known as "self assessments".  But first, one has to define one's goals, aka MBOs (manage by objective).  Besides the usual project-related goals, the company assigns a corporate level one.  This year's corporate goal is to SIMPLIFY - we each are supposed to come up with something we personally can drive to help simplify the company.  The employees view this as a joke, of course.  HOWEVER, in my spare time, I have been rewriting an application I support, in MS Access.  If I can pull this off, it definitely would count toward simplification.
• Tuesday - My SO and I went to see Garrison Keillor at The Embassy.  What a great storyteller!  If you listen to "A Prairie Home Companion," you are familiar with his "News from Lake Wobegone" segment.  This was like that but instead of 10 minutes, he rattled on for TWO HOURS.  And two hours of Garrison is equal to two hours of laughter.  My SO and I were at the lower end of the age demographic of the audience, but close enough.
• Wednesday - Even though we were not out late Tuesday night, I scheduled this day as a vacation day, just in case.  Started with a massage; while the therapist was working my back, she asked, "Have you had this checked out?"  What?  She thinks I have a lipoma, aka "fatty tumor".  This aging thing is not really working for me.
• Thursday - My SO left for New Mexico, to visit his son and family.  So now I am off boy friend duty for a week or so.  I am really glad he is in my life, but sometimes I need a little alone time.
• Friday - Earlier this week, I purchased a book at Barnes & Noble (40% off and I had a gift card).  Today I stopped at Borders to buy Moleskines.  Once upon a time, I wanted to own a bookstore, but today's reality is I rarely visit them.  In fact, thanks to a great local library system and a small house, I rarely buy books at all.
• Saturday - The usual - laundry, vacuuming, soup making (Red Lentil and Squash from Love Soup) - plus grandbaby sitting.  See video clips below, if you dare.  One is from last week, one from last night.
• Sunday - Nada de particular.  I have been doing a little furniture rearranging (which is a good way to motivate myself to also do a little spring cleaning) and hope to complete the West Wing today.  When I work from home, I like to sit in the West Wing, at the bistro table by the windows, but the afternoon glare can be brutal.  Plus the bistro table was so cluttered with work and computer crap, I could not use it for other activities.  So I moved my desk from the family room, positioning it behind the love seat, just to see how that works.  I can now avoid the afternoon glare but still keep an eye on the bird feeders and bird bath; I can also eat my lunch at the bistro table.  Now I just need to put an area rug under my chair and put away the crap that seems to erupt whenever I attempt any cleaning that goes beyond vacuuming.

Resolutions - February recap

I can't believe I have not posted since the last Resolution Recap.  It's not that I don't think of things to write - I'm composing posts in my head almost all the time - I just do not get around to actually typing them into the blog.

February has been a month of ups and downs, or should I say downs and ups and downs?  I lost a couple of pounds, gained them back, then lost them again.  So my net loss for the month is 2 pounds, net loss since Jan 1, 6 pounds.  Not a lot, but I can feel the difference in regards to how my pants and bras fit.

My success with meditation is about the same - I do it most work mornings.  The exercise fell off a bit, partially due to mid-February doldrums and partially due to an addiction to "Grey's Anatomy".  I am almost done with season 6, so soon I shall have my life back, at least until season 7 comes out, but I might get that on disk to prevent the nightly GA marathons.

Another blogger I follow (found here) went through a cleanse as outlined in Clean.  I got the book from the library, briefly scanned it, and gave up after running across a section about dealing with hunger.  Sorry, I can't do hungry.  However, I did pay attention to the pre-cleanse "elimination" diet.  It is close to how I eat, so I was interested in ways to tweak my eating habits to further improve them.  If I had read the book, I might know why the author excludes pistachio nuts and bananas, but I'm guessing he considers them plus citrus and foods from the nightshade family to be too acidic and to cause inflammation.

Personally, I think most of us can eat just about anything in its natural form.  After all, humans are omnivores.  In general, the more processed or poorly prepared a natural food is, the more likely it is to be less healthy, if not downright bad for us.  Another consideration, however, is that we are all individuals.  One person's "health food" is another person's allergen.

That said, I did decide to make one change in my diet:  to eliminate coffee.  This was not an easy choice because I love coffee.  It doesn't love me, however, at least not as much as when I was younger.  Even though it has been less than a week, I have to admit that I do feel better without it, more energetic and less tense.  I drink some hot tea in the morning and some iced tea with lunch.  While tea has caffeine, it doesn't pack the jolt coffee does.  And since I don't like-like tea, I'm less likely to overindulge.

Anyway, that is all on the past month's status.  Hopefully, I will write something more interesting between now and the end of this month.  Perhaps.

Resolutions - January recap

Last year, Crazy Aunt Purl revisited her New Year's resolutions each month. I'm not sure it helped her, but I decided it couldn't hurt me. So here goes:

Meditate once a day on work days (these are my most stressful days)
I was 89% successful with this resolution. After all, it is not all that difficult to sit down and shut up, especially at 7am. In general, I did seem calmer, and I noticed a difference if I skipped several days in a row.

Practice yoga twice per week
I was only 44% successful with this one. Catching a cold mid-month did not help. Taking a weekly class did. My home practice has really fallen off, though, much to my dismay.

Get some aerobic exercise for at least 30 minutes three times a week
And by aerobic, I mean almost anything that involves putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes that is walking, although the weather and ice-covered pavement was not very conducive to that. I have a spectacularly inefficient method of shoveling snow, a method that involves more walking and snow pushing than actual snow shoveling, so I count that. Again, that cold interfered, but I still managed a 69% success rate.

Turn out the lights by 10:30pm on the eves of work days
I neglected to keep track of this one, but I am guessing I was about 75% successful. Of course, just because I turn out the lights doesn't mean I sleep. And just because I fall asleep doesn't mean I stay asleep. But if the lights are on, I am definitely not sleeping. On a purely subjective basis, I have felt more rested this past month. I will pay more attention to this one, to make sure I am not fooling myself.

So, did this translate into weight loss? I lost four pounds. Not a lot, but enough that I can now fasten my "fat jeans" and that counts for a lot.

Speaking of counting, I discovered that I DID need to count calories, at least initially, to keep from lying to myself ("I didn't eat THAT much today" - like a whole pizza is not that much). Once I had a better grasp on just what constituted 2000 calories, I abandoned the counting.

In general, I have yogurt, fruit, and nuts for breakfast, a salad for lunch, an afternoon snack of fruit, a "normal" dinner (tonight it was homemade vegetable soup and half a grilled cheese sandwich), and a bedtime snack of cereal, fruit, nuts, and milk. That sounds like a lot of food, but it is less than I ate before. I weigh the yogurt, cereal, and nuts, to make sure I am not fudging.

Sometimes I get hungry, but it is not that frantic kind of hunger. No foods are off limits, but I keep an eye on carb-carbs like bread. It helps that I don't have a sweet tooth. It also helps that I live alone so am completely in charge of what food comes in through the door.

I'm satisfied with January. Let's see how February goes.

I had BK, Betsy had morphine

Betsy likes to hang out at the front of the house while I shovel the driveway.  She scares up rabbits and follows their trails through the bushes and otherwise has a good time as only a beagle knows how to do.  Last Monday, once I finished with the snow, I found the front walk covered in blood.  It was surreal.  There was so much blood that at first I though Betsy had actually caught a rabbit and sacrificed it.  But no, her paw was bleeding.  By then, the bleeding had almost stopped.  I tried to see what the problem was, couldn't really tell, and since she wasn't limping, decided to just wait and see.

Tuesday Betsy seemed okay except she kept licking her paw and making it ooze and dribble, but it still did not seem to bother her much.  I washed it in warm water, poured peroxide over it, wrapped it up to protect the carpets, and continued to wait and see.

Wednesday I came home from work early because I was not feeling well.  Betsy's paw seemed worse.  Of course, her veterinarian is not open on Wednesday afternoons.  I debated whether to take her to the emergency clinic ($$$) and decided to wait until Thursday when we could visit her regular vet.

That's today.  We went to the vet this afternoon.  The bloodiness was due to one claw hanging by a few threads.  Dr. M offered to yank it off, but provided the option of morphine or no morphine.  Betsy  is so traumatized by each visit to the pet hospital that I opted for the morphine.  She is now virtually comatose, nothing like the picture above, which I took Tuesday.  She is also minus one claw.  It should grow back, eventually.  Meanwhile, she has some good drugs to sleep off.

Back to Wednesday, well, actually Tuesday night.  At yoga I felt less than energetic, but did not think too much of it, as I'm not a high energy person to begin with and I spend a lot of time sitting on my butt in front of a computer.  Wednesday morning I still did not feel very peppy, but I had not slept well, so again, I did not think too much of it.  At work, I developed a headache and figured it was due to lack of sleep.  Then I got the chills, but I am usually cold at work anyway.  Then I started salivating, the way one does prior to becoming nauseated.  I didn't throw up, but I did throw in the towel at noon.

The best thing about being sick now as opposed to being sick a month or so ago is, now I have a Blu-ray player.  I watched "The Kids Are All Right" (good but not a "must see" - why was it nominated for an Oscar?) and FIVE episodes from the first season of "Grey's Anatomy".  Five out of nine episodes.  The first season of Law & Order: SVU has 22 episodes.  Why the difference?  Inquiring minds want to know.

And today?  I feel fine.

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This evening I saw a Smart Car with the vanity plate "9VOLT".

Stuff

When I worked for a company that was big on diversity, we did not get MLK Day off.  This same company shares the name of a certain president, but we did not get Presidents Day off, either.  Now that I work for a Swiss company, I get both days off.  Much as I hate my job, I like my employer.

Last Monday I was busy doing those little things that I never seem to have the psychic energy to do at the end of the day.  Like clean off the coffee table.  And the diningroom table.  And the breakfast bar.  I also vacuumed.  Housework is one of those things that no one notices unless you don't do it.

I also bought some new shoes.  Over the years I have invested heavily in Earth shoes, for my back's sake.  But my back is much better while my satisfaction with the value of Earth shoes is much less.  So I decided to try something new.

Keen Presidio in walnut

These are both Keen shoes, two different styles but the same genre, purchased online from Planet Shoes (free shipping, fast service).  I wanted something kind of urban outdoorsie and these fit the bill.  Some of my friends favor Keens, so I was relatively sure of the quality.  And the price, while not great, was tolerable.

Keen Toyah in black


I haven't decided how much I like them.  For one thing, it feels weird to wear shoes with heels after years of that "negative heel technology".  Also, they feel stiff, especially the collars.  But - and this is a big plus - they make my big feet look smaller.  I don't know how, but they do.  And they are light weight, so I don't feel like I am clumping around in them.  I'll keep them.  We'll see if they get more comfortable with use.

Last Monday I also watched my granddaughter for a few hours in the evening.  The last few times I've had her, she has been fussy.  This time was much better.  She seemed interested in the music on the stereo, so held her in front of the speakers and we "danced" to Carly Simon and Conner Oberst.  By the time Carrie Newcomer started up, Baby N was asleep.  She slept through two episodes of "Law & Order: SVU" and probably would have dozed through a third, but her mommy came to get her.


You're so vain!

I don't watch much TV, but now that I have a Blu-ray and can stream Netflix right to my livingroom with just a few clicks of the remote, I am hooked on reruns of "L&O: SVU". I am about halfway through the first season. Interesting tidbit: One of the first season characters (who is already gone) is played by the same actor as that "mayhem like me" guy on the Allstate commercials. While streaming is fun and easy, I really, really, really hope Netflix does not stop offering DVDs because a lot of the movies I watch are not available to watch instantly. I am even willing to pay more than the stream-only customers.  And now I think I am.

Today is the first day of the rest of your weekend

Bumper sticker on a car with Colorado plates:  Honk if you think I'm Jesus.

* * * * *

Have you seen that commercial on TV where someone calls customer service and talks to a burly man with a Slavic accent named "Peggy"?  Well, yesterday I received an email from someone on our help desk in Bangalore whose last name is "Johnson".

* * * * *

We have new recycling service here in the Fort.  No longer will we have to separate our recyclables into paper and aluminum-glass-plastic1&2.  And there's more:  plastic 3-7 will also be accepted.  The two small bins we have had to lug up and down our driveways will be replaced with a single big bin on wheels.  I don't have the new big bin yet, and force of habit led me to separate my recyclables, but when they picked them up this week, I watched.  Yes, they took it all, including the plastic-5 containers, and they threw it all together into the truck.  I watched the sanitation worker bend and lift and toss while trying to maintain his footing in the snow and ice, and I was glad I work in a clean well-lighted place.

Speaking of Hemingway, I recently read A Moveable Feast which he wrote about his years in Paris.  It's been a long time since I read any Hemingway, like maybe 35 or 40 years?  His style appeals to me - no flourishes, no extra padding, adjectives and adverbs being the enemies of that one true sentence.

Last night I finished Shadow of a Doubt, by William J. Coughlin.  It's a courtroom-centered murder mystery, the type of book I usually save for "beach reading" (even though I never go to the beach).  Winter reading should center on more weighty topics, like How to Live.  I just started this book by Sarah Bakewell; it's a biography of the original essayist Montaigne.

What are you reading on these cold winter nights?

Just like (slow) magic

One aspect of growing older that I find disconcerting is the skin changes.  I have sun damaged skin that tends to mottle in the summer, plus these things crop up periodically.  Their official name is Seborrheic Keratosis.  My dad gets them, has them removed.  I have one on the very top of my head.  I showed it to my doctor, who said, "I could remove that, but we'd have to shave your scalp there."  Um, thank you, no. 

Another one of these things recently appeared on my left shoulder, in back where I ordinarily don't look and can barely reach.  It seemed HUGE because it was so raised.  My SO examined it and pronounced it NOT CANCER, and told me that he had had one on his leg.  He treated it with Mentholatum and now it is gone except for a spot of dark pigmentation. 

Dr. Gott writes a medical column that appears in my local morning newspaper.  He serves up legitimate medical advice, but he is also open to home remedies.  Frequent readers are bombarded with treatments such as putting a bar of soap under the sheets for nocturnal leg cramps, eating cherries to ease the symptoms of gout, and eliminating nail fungus with Vicks VapoRub.  Vicks and Mentholatum seem to be about the same, so it made sense that it might work on SK. 

So I tried it.  Twice a day, I smeared a blob of Mentholatum on the latest SK and covered it with a BandAid during the day, sticking a small piece of toilet paper over it at night (the adhesive on BandAids irritates my skin).  After about a week, I could tell that the SK had shrunk.  After two weeks, I picked off what remained.  I am continuing treatment for another week, just to make sure it does not grow back. 

In just a couple of weeks, I went from OMG WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  to IT'S GONE! without having to visit my doctor.  That's a win in my book.  I'm now treating another spot of SK on my tummy, and once the weather warms up enough that I don't need to wear a hat, I'm tackling that one on my head. 

DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional of any kind.  I'm just saying that this worked for me.  Your results may vary, especially if what you are trying to treat is not SK but skin cancer.  If in doubt, get thee to your family doctor or a dermatologist.  Better safe than sorry.

That year-end quiz

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? Went through a full body scanner at the FW airport.  I didn't even realize what it was until later.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No and yes.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? YES - my daughter birthed my first grandchild.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, another one of my college classmates.
5. What countries did you visit? Massachusetts.  It felt like another country, what with the traffic.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Confidence in my retirement accounts.  (This is a repeat.)
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? My granddaughter's birthday.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Showing up at work on a regular basis. This is another repeat.
9. What was your biggest failure? Weight gain.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.  Well, except when a took a dive at a local restaurant.  Received my first floor burn in years.  Otherwise, just my pride was hurt.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A lot of electronic shit:  had FIOS installed, bought a digital TV, a new digital camera, and a Blu-ray player.  That sounds really shallow, but world peace was not on sale.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? No one impressed me this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? All politicians, everywhere.
14. Where did most of your money go? I paid off my mortgage and home equity loan.  Whoot!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My granddaughter.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? I got nothin'.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? same but about different things
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? poorer (on paper)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Exercise.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With family.
21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Yes, with my granddaughter.
22. What was your favorite TV program? NFL Football.  And reruns of Law and Order: SVU.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? The Queen of Perfume at work guaranteed me a headache every day I was in the office.  She is not a bad person per se, but I spent some time and energy disliking her immensely.  Thankfully, we no longer sit near each other.
24. What was the best book you read? I'll say The Lock Artist by Steve Hamilton.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? None.
26. What did you want and get? To be debt free.
27. What did you want and not get? Chickens.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? "The Secret in their Eyes" and "Winter's Bone" and "Nathalie"
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I visited my granddaughter on my 58th birthday.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being able to retire.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Hand knits.
32. What kept you sane? Knitting and blogging and yoga.  Lather, rinse, repeat.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? No one this year.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Climate change.
35. Who did you miss? My mom.  Again.  We could have been grandmas together.
36. Who was the best new person you met? Meeting someone new would require I be more social, and I'm not.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Facebook is a time suck.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. None.

Resolutions

Every year, I make the same resolution, sometimes to myself, sometimes out loud, sometimes officially, usually not, but always the same:  Lose weight.  This year is no different, but I want to twist it a bit and relabel it:  Eat less, exercise more.  And I want to make it more specific.

I have tried counting calories and following restrictive diets without much success.  One problem is calorie counting and dieting makes one think about food, and thinking about food makes one feel hungry.  A friend of mine who has successfully shed a lot of weight recently told me that her relationship with food has changed.  This tells me that overeating is not the problem, but a symptom of other issues to which food is not the answer.

How does this translate to me and my situation?  I know that I eat more when I am feeling stressed and/or tired.  Meditation and exercise are two ways to address stress, and exercise can help promote better sleep as can going to bed on time.  This translates into the following specific actions:

1. Meditate once a day on work days (these are my most stressful days)
2. Practice yoga twice per week
3. Get some aerobic exercise for at least 30 minutes three times a week
4. Turn out the lights by 10:30pm on the eves of work days

And that is all.  I think these goals are doable and measurable.  In fact, I have been easing into them over the past few weeks.  We'll see if they translate into weight loss.  Stay tuned!

Just like magic

I really like HH Gregg.  I can walk in there, say I want such-and-such with these features and the knowledgeable sales staff comes up with exactly what I want at the price I want to pay.  It happened when I went looking for a TV and it happened again yesterday.  I now have a Sony Blu-ray player that is wireless and streams Netflix and so much more.

As much as I like HH Gregg, I love my Blu-ray.  So far, I have streamed "Been Rich All My Life" while babysitting my granddaughter and listened to music via Pandora.  I love Pandora.  You can enter an artist's name and it creates a "radio station" with that artist plus others of the same genre.  I have two stations so far:  Greg Brown and James Taylor.  The station for the latter is generating a lot of nostalgia:  Van Morrison, Loggins and Messina, the Eagles, Carole King, Simon and Garfunkel, Neil Young, etc. (although I could do without Billy Joel.)  And I know all the lyrics, so I can sing along.

You go, grandma!

I'm sure none of this is new to any of you out in Internetland, but I feel like I have discovered a third arm.

If wishes were horses

Every year I try to take the week between xmas and New Year's off.  For one thing, there is NOTHING happening at the office during this time, so it is even more boring than usual.  For another, it gives me a chance to reflect on the past year and plan for the next.  Sort of.  Or at least flush the filing cabinets of all the paper generated by our so-called paperless society.  If I can get the monster desk cleared off, it will make a trip to the Salvation Army, as it is so Sauder.  It would be nice to get the garage cleaned out as well, but it's really cold out there.

This week must be what retirement would be like for me.  I'm "busy" but I don't seem to actually get anything done.  Time takes on new meaning - or no meaning - when all the good stuff doesn't have to be crammed into a 62 hour period between 5pm Friday and 7am Monday (minus 24 hours for sleep and x hours for chores).

Anyway, I did watch a movie - "Remember Me" - which wasn't half bad - intelligent dialog, interesting characters, Chris Cooper, Pierce Brosnan - until the ending.  (Spoiler alert!)  Why are so many writers afraid of a happy ending?  Why can't they let the protagonist live instead of killing him off, this time on (gasp) 9/11?  The surviving characters went on to live better lives, but who's to say they would not have done that anyway?

I am also reading a book called World and Town, by Gish Jen.  It's about a retired biology teacher (Hattie) who is half Chinese, half missionary, and is living in the town where her "host" family summered.  The love of her youth also returns, which gets tongues wagging.  A dysfunctional Chinese Cambodian family arrives and is housed in a trailer not far from Hattie, and she is drawn into their problems.  And then there are the various and sundry locals.  It took me a while to get used to the author's writing style - if you don't pay attention, you trip on the gaps - but now I am into it, interested in what happens next.

And I have been perusing seed catalogs and knitting and babysitting my granddaughter and exercising more than usual.  And trying to figure out this business with incomplete positions in my IRA.  And doing an admirable job of not thinking about my job.  Also in the plans is some shopping:  I "need" a Blu-ray player that is wireless and streams Netflix.  Then my life will be complete.  Except for that retirement thing.

So far, so good

I covered an empty wrapping paper tube with aluminum foil and hung it from the light fixture over the diningroom table, but an airing of the grievances seemed too cynical, even for me. In fact, as I prepared our xmas eve meal, I kept thinking of all the good things the past year has brought.

• My son graduated from college and moved back to Hoosierdom. This is the closest he has lived to home (and by "home" I mean my house) in ten years.
• My daughter gave birth to the most beautiful baby in the world, making me a grandma for the first time.
• The proud papa earned a promotion at work.
• My SO has a new son-in-law, and he's a good 'un.
• We are all healthy and gainfully employed (except my SO, who is gainfully retired).

While I am not a fan of holidays (although I love paid holidays), the end of the calendar year is a good time to reflect on what has gone before and contemplate what is yet to come. The daily grind is wearisome at times, but all in all, we are doing okay.

Happy Festivus!

It's true

I'm sure you have heard the comment, If I had known grandchildren could be so much fun, I would have had them first! While it is mostly impossible to have grandchildren without first parenting at least one of their parents, it is true that grandchildren are fun.

Of course, I am not the one getting up at 2am or trying to get something, anything done while a fussy baby demands attention. No. I'm the one who is willing to stand in the kitchen for 15 minutes, swaying with baby N while she stares fixedly at the refrigerator magnets. I'm the one with the sedentary job who does not mind strolling slowly around the house, showing baby N what is right outside the window or hanging over the mantle. I'm the one who finds the fussing (god forbid) cute.

I was not like this as a mother. I love my kids, but they are only two in number because I could not face the prospect of teaching a third child the alphabet. I was a stay-at-home mom until they were out of diapers, then I fled back to school and into the work force. They tell you to cherish the moments with your children because they grow up so fast, but when you are in the thick of it, all you want is for them to grow up, FAST.

And then they do. They grow up and move away and go to college and get married. And if you are lucky, they settle down nearby and give you grandchildren. Grandparenting is a pseudo second chance at parenting, but one that contains more fun and less responsibility. It's like a hobby as opposed to a job, dessert instead of Brussels sprouts, springtime even in winter.

I'm most happy to be one of the lucky ones.

Note to self

Don't eat black bean soup on the day you go to yoga class.

Thanks!

More stuff I wonder about

• I understand why, when I order something from Pottery Barn and they send a confirmation to my Yahoo email account, the advertising at the top of the email page is sometimes for Pottery Barn. But how does Yahoo know what toilet paper I buy?
• To use up some rewards points that I accumulated through one of my credit cards, I ordered from SkyMall a gift card for Barnes and Noble. Today I received an email from SkyMall stating that the gift card was on back order. How can a gift card be on back order?!?
• If Social Security is underfunded for the future, is it really a good idea to decrease the amount we pay in for the next two years? And the money we are not paying into SocSec will be taxed, right? So is this just a shady way to transfer SocSec money to the general fund?
• We have "privacy rooms" at work for people to meet in so they do not disturb their co-workers. But if they don't close the door, it isn't very private, is it?

Actively waiting for things to change

There is a Dilbert cartoon, where Bob the Dinosaur is talking to Asok the Intern: "Most problems go away if you just wait long enough, Asok. It might look like I'm standing motionless but I'm actively waiting for our problems to go away. I dont know why this works but it does." Then the pointy-haired boss sticks his head in the door to announce a re-org.

I like the company I work for, but I have never cared for the work itself. What I do is stultifying. About once a month, I come this close to walking out the door. But I know if I just wait long enough, things will change.

In recent years, we have had a department-wide re-org, followed by a company-wide re-org. Now my team is suffering its own mini re-org, as we are being transferred en masse to another branch of the corporate organizational tree. *sigh* Here we go again.

While I am not quite ready financially for retirement, I am in a fairly decent place. My kids are grown and self-supporting, my house and car are paid for, I have no health issues to speak of (knock on wood). And after a while, one becomes numb to the turmoil, so I'm not losing any sleep over the latest announcement.

As Woody Allen said, "Ninety percent of life is just showing up." So I'll keep showing up because, while most days feel like the previous, one day it will be a new day.

Stuff I wonder about

• If DST is such a good idea, why are we not on it all year round?
• Gravel trucks around here have signs on the back telling other drivers to stay 100, 200, even 300 feet back. (That's a whole football field!) The signs also say, "Not responsible for damage." If the truck contains a load of gravel and the driver is too lazy to pull the tarp over the gravel, then yes, they ARE responsible for damage.
• There are approximately 310,000,000 people in the USA. What if some of those billionaires gave each of us a million dollars? What would happen? (Hopefully, plumbers would blow through theirs really quickly.)
• Instead of giving money away, why don't the billionaires in the world start new businesses and develop new industries and create new JOBS?
• If they raise the retirement age, won't that make unemployment worse?
• Every time I lean over the HOT oven door to haul something HOT out of the HOT oven, I wonder why oven doors don't swing to the side like refrigerator doors.
• At work, we have dual flush toilets, one mode for solids, one mode for liquids.  I'd like a shower head like that, slow flow for rinsing the body, high flow for getting the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair.  And I want to be able to switch back and forth without having to adjust the water temperature.  Or maybe something like this already exists?  Surely I'm not the first to come up with this idea.
• I'm watching a PBS special featuring the folk music from the 50s and 60s.  Were we really that young once upon a time?  And when did we get old?