Temptation

I have never owned an Apple product.  No iPod, no iPhone, no Mac.  And yet I am strangely tempted to treat myself to an iPad 2.  I'm just not sure I would make good use of it.  Would I read books on it?  Do crossword puzzles?  Blog?  Or would I just carry it around because I want to look cool?  My head says, Don't waste your money, but my heart says, For once in your life, buy something frivolous!  I'm such a Calvinist.

Many years ago, Judith Viorst wrote a book called Necessary Losses.  When I read it, I was too young to really get it.  Now, as I have had to give up one thing or another, I do.  After years of responsible alcohol consumption, I planned to do some serious drinking in my late middle age, only to lose my tolerance for booze.  I am still pretty limber, but the aches and pains are starting to catch up with me.  This morning, on the tail end of a hormonal roller coaster ride, I actually wanted to have a baby.  Thank god that is not even remotely possible anymore, but it still makes me sad to think so much is behind me now.

It's not that I don't have things to look forward to, or that I don't appreciate what is in my life right now.  It's just that suddenly my life is about two-thirds over.  When you are five years old, a year represents 20% of your life - the time between Christmases or birthdays is interminable.  When a year feels more like 1 or 2%, though, the days fly.

So, do I want to spend my (relatively) few days left on earth obsessing over an electronic gadget in hand?  Damn straight!