Sunday, April 23, 2017

Jinx

My last post must have jinxed me, as things have NOT settled down. I should point out that the bad stuff is not happening to ME but to those around me. I'm fine, just in constant support mode and vaguely unsettled much of the time.

I don't want to tell stories that really belong to others, but one recent event was my ex had a heart attack. It could have been The Big One - in fact, it was The Big One, the doctors were surprised he survived - but through the miracle of modern medicine, he not only is alive but should be kicking, for a while at least.

My ex is not the first of my "cohorts" to have a health crisis, but he is the closest. The natural reaction is to try to pinpoint why HIM and not ME (easy, he's a smoker). Another reaction is, What if I were still married to him? (Thank goodness I don't have to be his caretaker through this.) And of course, there is the reminder that everything can change in a heartbeat, literally.

I try to prepare for the worst while also hoping for the best. What is "the best" at this stage of life, though? How do I want to live going forward, knowing there is only so much forward to go toward?

I have lived in this house over twenty years. When I retired, it was with the expectation I would remain in this house for another twenty. I joke that I cannot move until Finn, my indoor/outdoor cat, gives up his roaming ways. Most days I like my house, but there are times when I don't want a house or a yard or even a car anymore.

When in the anti-house mood, I declutter. Sometimes I apply Marie Kondo's methodology (keep what gives me joy), sometimes I simply wander through the house, looking for things to get rid of. I also rearrange what remains, to suit ME. These changes are prioritizing my possessions. Theoretically, when I do decide to downsize (or the decision is made for me), figuring out what to take may be easier than it might otherwise be.

I'm also trying to simplify the yard and garden chores. This summer I purchased a riding mower. My yard is not quite large enough to justify it, but it preserves my energy for the more fun aspects of yardening. And now mowing is FUN. In fact, I wish my lawn were larger. And that is happening somewhat, as I decrease the garden's footprint. I'm losing interest in growing food.

Until those jet packs become available, it looks like I am going to have to replace my Honda CRV. Soon. It has over 100k miles on it, and while it is still going strong, I am hesitant to take it out of town. A couple of days ago, I test drove the 2017 Honda CRV, and oh-my-goodness, the thing practically drives itself. Maybe all new cars are like this now - I'll have to test drive a couple more to see - but the technology has really advanced in the last 12 years. So even though I would like to magically be transported hither and yon, just as TV is more enjoyable with Netflix and Amazon Prime, driving may be more fun with a new vehicle.

Hanging onto old stuff mindlessly is actually stressful in a backwards sort of way. Yes, car shopping is stressful, but a new car would make my day-to-day life less so. Yes, learning to drive a zero-turn mower is challenging, but it is worth the time and energy saved. Yes, I may throw out something I later wish I hadn't, but I'm fortunate to be in a position financially where I can replace it if need be, so why worry about it?

Just as stuff gets prioritized, activities are dropped and added on an as-needed basis. Do I like doing X? If not, perhaps it should go. What about Y? Maybe I'll try it and see. Oh, gotta do Z, it's important to ME.

It's not that I don't still struggle with the SHOULDs that rattle around in the back of my brain. Sometimes I don't know if I truly like doing something or if I am just doing it because I always have or believe I have no other options. The events of the past year have driven home the truth that there is very little under our control. We still need to make wise choices, but after that, life is a crap shoot. So get rid of the crap.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Spending my children's inheritance

Wow. It has been a while since I posted here. The past year or so has been crazy-making challenging, but I am cautiously optimistic things will settle down a bit in the personal realm. To paraphrase someone, life is meaningless, but here we are, so we might as well make the best of it.

About two years ago, Betsy Beagle went to doggy heaven. I still get teary eyed missing her, but decided to wait a while before finding a replacement. Well, recently I found that the time had come.


This is Watson, former resident of Fort Wayne Animal Care and Control. I picked him out from the pix they post online, he was still available when I arrived at the shelter a day or two later, and I was able to bring him home right away. There was an adoption fee, but since I am a "senior", the lifetime registration with the city was only $5.

I had given my daughter most of the doggy things left over from Betsy, but I was able to get some back, including the crate. Multiple trips to Pet Supplies Plus and Petco resulted in the purchase of new dishes, a new leash-collar set, a waterproof cover for the backseat (which prevented my newly detailed car from suffering the indignities of dog pee and dog vomit), a fleece coat (for the dog, not me), poop bags, etc. I eyeballed the toys, but fortunately Watson likes the resident cat toys.

Speaking of the resident cats, they are not amused. Although Watson was described as an English pointer-beagle mix, I have yet to see him point at anything. Instead, he wants to chase. Finn is smart enough to not run, but Beau totally freaks out. Consequently, I bought a tall gate and installed it between the kitchen and the mudroom, converting the den and laundry into a "safe room" for the cats.

As a shelter dog, Watson received a complimentary vet check. Unfortunately, the shots, nail trim, anal sac expression, and heartworm meds were not complimentary. Yes, I have another dog with anal sac issues. I'm trying a grain-free, double-the-cost dog food to help mitigate that. Also, coconut.

My last two dogs were pretty laid back, but Watson is on high alert and barks a fair amount, usually at nothing. My SO's home was burgled recently, so I don't discourage the barking, especially when directed at Jehovah Witnesses. There have been other behavior issues, though, so I invested in a Mini Educator eCollar. Also, we just started obedience school.

I didn't intend to get a dog that needed a lot of exercise, but I did. It is easy for me to talk myself out of outdoor activity, especially when the weather is icky, but now I am greeted each day by an enthusiastic walking companion. Our routine is two poop walks a day (less poop to pick up in my own yard), covering between two-to-three miles total, on a hard surface (eliminating the need for nail trimming). The activity keeps both of us healthy and sane. Theoretically, that will save money in the long run, right?