Six of one

We have been in our new "green" office building for a couple of weeks, and it is starting to feel like home.  The staff keeps tweaking what they can, but there are some major design flaws that may be expensive to correct.  We'll see how it pans out in the long run. 

Where I sit, on the third floor

The current progress report: 

• It is still too cold in here, but the clamminess seems to be gone. 
• I have rearranged things in my pod so it feels less claustrophobic.  With three monitors, it feels like command central. 

This is "before"; I don't have an "after".

• I tend to sit forward in my chair, as though it were one of those ball chairs, which has proven good for my back. 
• They gave me (and everyone?) a new keyboard. 
• Still no headset for the phone.  However, I can forward my calls to my home phone.  Since I work at home one or two days a week, I now don't have to keep checking my office voice mail for missed calls. 
• I've grown use to the printer noises, but there is also overt pressure to reduce printing in general.  The door to the stairway, on the other hand, bangs. 
• Trays for paper were delivered, which helped clear my desk top. 
• The "new office" smell seems to have dissipated, so no more daily headaches. 
• The post next to my pod blocks my view to the left, but since I am on an aisle, also blocks my view of people walking by. 

View to my left

• The toilets have two flush modes, one for "liquids" and one for "solids".   Apparently, toilet paper is a solid.
• The minimal number of "sit down" facilities for the men has proven not to be a problem.  Or so they say.
• For some reason, the third floor bathrooms are not handicap accessible.  Was this on purpose? 
• The single-cup coffee makers in the pantries produce coffee that is no worse than what was available in the cafeteria and vending machines. 
• The ice/water machines now have ice. 
• "They" tried actively discouraging people from eating at their desks, using all kinds of made-up excuses (companionship? really?), but I think the real reason is they don't want us slobbing up the new pods.  BTW, their efforts are coming to naught. 
• The vending machines and microwaves are in the cafeteria.  The cafeteria is the only space large enough for large meetings.  We are not supposed to use the vending machines or microwaves while a meeting is in progress.  This has produced complaints. 
• There is no barrier between the serving area of the cafeteria and the sitting area, which means some meetings have to put up with the sounds of food preparation.  This has produced complaints. 
• People in some parts of the building are discovering that there can be too much natural light.  Mine is not one of them. 

View to my right

• The acoustic ceiling seems to be doing its job dampening sound.  Or maybe it is the "white noise" of the PA system.

Stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!

StrengthsFinder 2.0

I think I read about StrengthsFinder 2.0 in AARP. Someone(a newscaster?) took the StrengthsFinder test and discovered a new self-image. I think most of us have enough self-awareness that we do not need a book or a test to tell us what we are good at, but rarely do we even think about our strengths.  Instead, we scrutinize our shortcomings, wind up in careers that don't utilize our talents, and in general feel pretty crappy about ourselves at least part of the time.


My copy of the book came from the library, and a previous borrower had already used the access code that came with the book.  Consequently, I could not take the test at www.StrengthsFinder.com, so cannot comment on that.  I will comment on the book, though.


The book starts with a brief explanation of why we need a "language" of talents, why we cannot become anything we want to be if we just work hard enough, then offers a list of strengths that read sort of like star signs, but we get to pick what matches, not be doomed by our date of birth.  


So what am I? I am an Achiever. At the start of the day, I plan what I want to accomplish. At the end of the day, I take inventory to see if I met my goals, even if those goals were just doing laundry and vacuuming. I keep lists, not only to remind me of what I want to do, but because I enjoy crossing off each item. Sometimes, when I have been busy but not doing things on my list, I will add my current activities to the list, just so I can cross them out and feel like I accomplished something that day.


What else am I? Analytical, that's for sure. That is one reason I went into software development. I suspect it is also a contributing factor to my inability to make that "leap of faith" required by most religions. 


What else? I am Competitive, but not always in a good way. I am constantly comparing myself to others. Consistency is important to me, but I think this goes hand-in-hand with being Analytical. I get bored easily, so Intellection seems to apply to me, but this conjoins with being an Achiever. Responsibility is another trait that seems to do me more harm than good, because I feel responsible for things that are not my responsibility, or at least, not mine alone.


Besides helping identify one's strengths, this book offers advice on putting one's strengths to work and for making the best use of the strengths of others. These "ideas for action" are rather naive and assume that we all have the talent of people skills.  However, keeping my strengths in mind is helping me change the way I think about myself and reframe my so-called problems.

I hate it already

I was one of the few people anxious to leave my cubicle behind, but I'm not impressed with my pod and its accouterments.  Here is my list of wah-wah: 

• It is freezing in here.  And when it is not, it feels clammy. 
• My desk top is covered with cables.  And a keyboard I can't use because... 
• My keyboard is not the same one I had before.  This one sucks.  And sticks.  And skips. 
• My primary headset is missing, but I doubt it would work with my new phone because... 
• My secondary headset does not work with my new phone. 
• The monitors had loose cables, something I did not discover until I had opened a help desk ticket.  That means when "they" hooked up the equipment, they did not check to see if it worked. 
• Two of the three shelves in the pods are inaccessible unless one crawls under the desk. 
• I lowered the desk to a height comfortable for typing and now the file cabinet does not fit under it.  I notice that a lot of people have raised their chairs instead of lowering their desks.  If I do that, my feet fall asleep. 
• Hanging file folders do not fit in the provided frames unless one makes a slight "modification" - i.e. yanks out the crossbars. 
• There is something hinky about the power to my pod, but now that it seems to be working, I don't want to mess with it. 
• For some reason, a printer/copier has been located right behind me, and it is LOUD.  And why are people printing stuff?!?  Since all our documents are online, we could be a paperless office if only people would Just.  Stop.  Printing. 
• The large magnetic clip provided is not strong enough to actually hold anything on the cloth-covered metal pod wall. 
• Where are the trays we were promised?  Not that I need one, being all paperless and such.  Plus, there is no place to put it except on one of those inaccessible shelves.  Or on top of the unused keyboard. 
• Only four speed-dial numbers allowed on the phone?  Seriously?  Better than our last phones, though, which had NONE. 
• The "new office" smell gives me a headache. 

Other observations: 

• There are twelve parking spaces next to the building for hybrid cars.  Eleven of those spots were filled this morning. 
• My neighbor across the way has the right idea:  low expectations.  So, when asked, he says the pods are better than he expected. 
• The chairs are not too bad, although they seem to be missing the adjustable lumbar support option.  I may need a small pillow. 
• Each floor has an ice/water machine in its "pantry" but so far, no ice.  And refrigerators but no microwaves.  Today the cafeteria ran out of take-out containers.  It seems eating at one's desk is being passively discouraged. 
• To get an outside line, one dials '9'.  To get long distance, one dials '9-1'.  In an emergency, one dials '9-1-1'.  When one accidentally dials '9-1-1' the impulse is to hang up.  Guess how many times the police have shown up today because of 9-1-1 calls followed by a disconnect. 
• There are 52 steps from the first floor to the third.  I need the exercise because... 
• Free breakfast and lunch = overeating.  Thankfully, that is a one-day only thing, but the cafeteria now offers ice cream.  Curses.

The BigMove has been surprisingly stressful.  I need a nap. 

Movin' on up

This is the weekend of the Big Move (or as those of us who like bathroom humor, the big BM).  Friday morning we packed up the last of our cubicles.  Monday morning our stuff should magically appear at our new pods.

Not everyone will be in a pod.  The new rule is only senior VPs get floor-to-ceiling offices, so some are losing their offices.  Not all, though, as serendipitously several non-senior VPs received last minute reprieves in the form of promotions.  Not that they do not deserve to be promoted, it is just the timing that seems a little suspicious.

Since I started my career in software development, I have worked in a variety of office setups.  The first place was a start-up where we fought over the chairs.  I don't know what the owners thought we were going to sit on when they hired us.  Eventually, some used office furniture showed up, but we were still sitting cheek-to-jowl, elbow-to-asshole, sharing phones, user manuals, scissors, and too few bathrooms.

Like many start-ups, this one was feast or famine, and during a famine I was released.  Imagine my shock at my next place of employment where I not only had my own cubicle and my own phone, but my own scissors, stapler, user manuals, and an office chair no one was going to co-opt behind my back.  Unfortunately, that place was less than ideal in other ways, and I eventually returned to the start-up when they hit a new feast phase.

The start-up had moved and now all the engineers had offices.  Except me.  I had to wait for someone to leave the company before I could take over an office.  And what a nice office it was, with a window that overlooked a pond.  Eventually, the feast gave way to famine again, and I went back to company number 2 and back to a cubicle.

It was not too long after that when I decided to give consulting a try.  My home office - the Florida room - was not posh, but I replaced the windows to make it a three-and-a-half-season room, supplemented with a space heater.  My home-based business lasted about a year, but during the year I learned to love working out of my house.

Since then I have worked in cubicles and bullpens.  In neither case have I been exposed to natural light, which is one plus of the arrangement in our new building.  Cubicles give the illusion of privacy without the reality, so I doubt pod life will be much different in that respect.  The acoustics in the new building are supposed to be sound-dampening, so hopefully the lack of cloth walls will not equate to a higher noise level.  And there are privacy rooms for those who talk too loud.

I have not been in the new building yet, but I know where I will be sitting on the third floor.  My group is tucked into a corner, and I will be on the aisle.  In the general vicinity are two conference rooms, a stairwell, the printer room, and a coat closet.  I'm hoping the traffic is not too disruptive.

Oddly enough, the men have expressed concern that there are too few sit-down toilets for them in the new building.  There has been a lot of angst expressed over the limited storage we will each have in our pods; some actuaries were actually calculating cubic-inches available.  I'm not looking forward to losing my chair, as we are all getting new ones, all the same style.

But you know what?  My paycheck is still automatically deposited in my checking account every two weeks.  I have great benefits, including life, health, dental, and eye care insurance.  The work, while stultifying, is not overwhelming.  My co-workers are pleasant (for the most part).  And now we will be working in a green and well-lighted place.

I'm not going to complain.  Much.

P.S.  My dog Betsy has recovered completely from her bout of pancreatitis.  Yay!

How I almost killed my dog

Monday evening, when I arrived home from work, I found Betsy shivering in her crate.  Surprised, I turned on the furnace and fed her, a meal she soon threw up.  As the evening progressed, it became obvious that she was really sick.  By bedtime, I was on the Internet, scaring myself half to death about what might be ailing her.  Finally, I took her to the emergency vet clinic, arriving just before midnight.

Now, I am very happy that our town has an emergency vet clinic and I realize that their rates are going to be higher than normal, but jeesh.  My regular vet charges $29 for a daytime visit, while the emergency clinic charges $100, $125 if it is after midnight.  The other charges also run about three times what my regular vet charges.  Knowing this, I was reluctant to let them do much of anything besides examine Betsy.  I just wanted to make sure she would be okay until morning, when I would take her to her regular vet.

About two hours and $200 later, Betsy and I headed home.  She had been hydrated and tested for a few things, but she had no fever, no funny lumps.  She had politely thrown up on their floor, so they were able to see that she was vomiting only dog food.  A rectal exam showed no diarrhea or blood.  They also gave her a shot for the nausea, so at least I could safely let her sleep on the bed with me.  And sleep we did, as we were both exhausted after all that.

Tuesday morning she was still shivering (although not cold) and not interested in eating.  She was also favoring the leg that had been operated on years before, when she blew out her ACL.  By the time we arrived at the vet, she could not walk at all.  The exam did not reveal anything obvious, so we started in on the tests, all of which came back normal, except the one for pancreatitis.  Bingo.

The vet gave me the pancreatitis lecture:  Pancreatitis is inflammation of the pancreas, and is very painful (hence, the shivering).  Some breeds of dogs, like schnauzers, are susceptible to pancreatitis; also dogs that are on certain medications, like prednisone, which is true for Betsy.  Pancreatitis also runs the gamut, from dogs who have one episode to those that die from it.  And a flare up usually follows a high fat meal.

Click.

Saturday night I had cooked oven fried chicken.  Betsy considers it her job to lick plates and pans clean.  I had poured out the grease from the pan, but there was enough left that I had wondered if Betsy would get diarrhea from it.  I had given the pan to her anyway.  Mea culpa.

They hydrated Betsy again, gave us some antibiotics and anti-nausea pills, and suggested an interim diet low in fat and protein, like rice and chicken breast or fat-free cottage cheese.  And no more prednisone for a while.  As I forked over another $200, the receptionist asked when doctor wanted a recheck.  He hadn't said, and only later did I consider the possibility that he thought Betsy was not going to make it.

But she did.  I tricked her into drinking a lot of water by flavoring it with baby cereal or chicken broth (fat-free, no msg, low sodium).  I fed her little meals of half rice and half chicken or cottage cheese.  I baked her some low-fat whole wheat treats.  Wednesday morning she was able to walk again, although she was obviously still in pain.  Now it is Saturday, and while she still has some discomfort after meals, she is vastly improved.  And last night she finally pooped, after having not done so since Monday night.

I have owned dogs most of my adult life.  Most of those dogs could - and did - eat just about anything, including one that ate a whole head of cabbage right out of the garden.  Betsy does not have the best conformation or the strongest constitution, which has led to some new experiences for me as a dog owner.  And this is just one more.  Too bad they almost all involve a lot of money.  For a "free" dog from the local shelter, she certainly has been expensive to care for.

But who could resist that sweet face?

Everyday stuff

I have a gardening blog and a knitting blog.  This blog was supposed to be for everything else, but I don't want to blog about work (don't bite the hand that feeds you) or family (they can tell their own stories) or friends (honesty is NOT always the best policy).  So maybe I should blog about the everyday stuff, things I might want to have a record of years down the road.

Like what I did with the shares MetLife gave me when they demutualized.  I have a life insurance policy with MetLife and one with the Principal.  According to my faulty memory, MetLife demutualized, and I took the shares of stock they gave me and transferred them to my brokerage account.  I later sold those shares to help finance my daughter's education.  After going through old files the other day, however, I discovered that BOTH companies demutualized, the stock I transferred and subsequently sold was from the Principal, and instead of taking the proffered stock from MetLife, I chose cash.  It was a measly amount, which may be why I did not recall that.  But I also had several of the details of these two exchanges mixed up.  I may have mentioned one or both in a pen-and-paper journal, but who wants to dig those out?  Much simpler to execute an electronic search on a blog.  Assuming this blog still exists in some future time.

And while we are discussing money, let it be known that I NO LONGER HAVE A MORTGAGE!!!  After my daughter graduated from college, I suddenly had extra discretionary income.  My financial advisor suggested investing more in my Roth IRA, but most of my retirement is already in the stock market basket.  Instead, I started making payments against the principal of my mortgage.  And YAY ME I paid it off last month!  I still have a home equity loan, but not for long.  Once that obligation is met, I will be totally and completely debt free.  YAY ME again!

This is all part of preparing for retirement.  If nothing else, I will at least have a roof over my head.

Sort of like New Year

Every year I take the days between xmas and New Year off, ostensibly to renew and refresh and declutter the house and my mind.  But the past few years, too much has been going on at that time of year for me to achieve much of anything.  Likewise, summer can be a time of rest and relaxation, especially after a weeklong vacation somewhere other than here.  But this year?  NOT.  I traveled more than usual, in short stressful bursts.  By my niece's wedding in August, I just wanted to stay home.

So Labor Day weekend turned into a go-nowhere-see-no-one-let-me-get-one-thing-done-dammit kind of break.  I haven't exactly seen no one - my SO came over Saturday night for dinner and my daughter is coming over tonight for our semi-weekly walk - and I did make it to the DQ for a Peanut Buster Parfait, but otherwise I have been home.  Alone.  For three days.  Aahhh!

The only to-do items on my list this weekend were 1) to meditate at least once each day (check) and 2) to jump start my yoga routine (check).  I had not done any yoga for about a month, so I was leery about overdoing it, but after some initial soreness, the yoga muscles remembered.  Thanks to gardening and walking, I have not lost much muscle tone.  Initially, the flexibility was not there, but that has improved already.  Yoga moves chi and unblocks energy channels - all that breathing and stretching and twisting - and it always feels good.

The meditation is my attempt to deal with work.  I can't change the circumstances of my employment or my need to be employed (that money thing, you know), so I am trying to make an attitude adjustment, to make my work life more bearable.  One solution has been to work at home one or two days a week, and that helps.  I'm hoping the meditation will provide additional assistance, or at least quiet the excessive whining that goes on my head from eight-to-five each day.

Any meditators and/or yoginis out there?

I yam who I yam

There is a new sitcom on NBC coming this fall, titled "Outsourced."  It's about a call center that has been moved to India.  Some bloggers have suggested that this premise may be offensive.  They meant, it might be offensive to Americans whose jobs have been outsourced.  My concern was that some of my Indian co-workers might find Hollywood's interpretation of Indian culture to be offensive.  This, from someone whose career has been outsourced. 

I still have a job; just not the one I was hired to do, so I am luckier than some (although most days I don't feel very lucky).  I still maintain that we all need jobs, whether we are in India or Indiana.  If I were younger and spoke more than one language and was footloose and fancy free, I would consider relocating to a foreign country.  But not now - I'm going to be a grandma!  Plus, the older I get, the more I value personal comfort.

Recently I met someone in my company who, while American and owning a house in the US, has worked most of her career in South America.  She speaks Spanish but not German, even though she now works in Zurich.  In the past, I might have felt jealous of her life choices, but now I realize that, for me to have made similar choices, I would have had to be someone other than who I am.

The fifties are known as the Age of Regret.  Where does that regret go as one nears sixty?  It may disappear into the realization that, to live a different life, we would have had to be different people.  Finally, finally, I am starting to feel comfortable with who I am.  There aren't days when I don't wish I were more socially adept or more creative or less bitchy, and I do try to appear somewhat normal to the outside world.  But I am also trying to jettison the baggage I have been dragging along all these years.

(For some reason, I feel like I have written about some of this stuff before in this blog.  We each have stories to tell about our lives, and sometimes we have to repeat them ad nauseum.  I'll listen to you repeat yourself if you will cut me a little slack here, too.)

Why I don't take people pictures

When visiting my son last spring, I shared my latest photos with him.  Amazingly, they were all of my knitting and my garden, nary a human face to be found.  I tried to rectify that this summer, but as you can see, I'm not quick enough.

Nor steady enough.

The witness protection program has nothing to fear from me.

Your best

I just finished reading The Bucolic Plague, by Josh Kilmer-Purcell, which is the story of how the author and his partner became "gentleman farmers".  It's not a how-to book, and if you harbor a secret (or not so secret) wish to abandon the city and your nine-to-five job for the simple life in the country, this book may make you scream with frustration because you do not have the Martha connection nor the funds nor the personality nor the whimsical chutzpah to buy a mansion in the middle of nowhere in upstate New York, or if you did, said mansion would not come with a caretaker and 80 goats and a cast of helpful characters.

Anyway, the major conflict of this story is Kilmer-Purcell's wish to live his Oprah-inspired Best Life and his partner's Martha-influenced perfectionism.  They work things out in the end (obviously), but the gem of this book is the revelation by the author that what is his Best Life is not following his bliss, but doing what he is best at (which happens to be "sparkle").

Which leads to the question of, What am I best at?  And I am not talking about what I am best at in comparison to other people, but what, amongst the myriad of things that I do, is my own personal forte.

Not only does this take an acrobatic ability to twist your point of view, but it also requires that you compare apples to oranges.  I already know that I write better than I talk, but do I knit better than I write?  Do I cook better than I garden?  Each so-called talent has its own criteria for rating whether you are "good" or "better" or "best" at it, but then things get really complicated when you include non-specific things like attitude or enthusiasm or social skills.  Or sparkle.

It seems easier to identify someone else's "best" than your own.  For example, I have a co-worker whose "best" is problem solving.  He tackles any and all problems that fall in his path as though they are solvable if only he thinks or researches or works on them hard enough.  So it might be eye-opening to ask your friends and family what they think your "best" is.

If you can get them to refrain from comparing your "best" to theirs.

Tidbits

• While driving to work the other day, I noticed a small yellow plane flying surprisingly low.  It flew in and out of my line of sight, until I reached work, where the plane was barely clearing our new building.  I asked the security guard what was going on.  He said they were spraying for gypsy moths.
• I try to lead a healthy lifestyle, but what do you do when small yellow planes are raining crap from the sky?  They say it should be harmless, but also recommend we stay inside.
• According to the HAPLR Index, our local library system is in the top ten for communities its size.  That does not surprise me.  
• When I contemplate moving somewhere else, I wonder what the library system would be like.  Now I can consult this list.  
• I'm surprised at how many of the top libraries are in the Midwest.  Or maybe I shouldn't be.
• I can now stream movies from Netflx over my FIOS to my laptop and onto my TV.  I watched "Run Granny Run" the other night, just to test it out.  (I gave this movie 3 stars.)
• Friday night I tested the subtitles on my new TV by watching "Coco before Channel".  (Another 3-star movie.)
• Right now I am listening to The Postmistress on CD.  After disk 1, my interest was waning, but gave disk 2 a try and got sucked in.
• I write better than I talk, so I like using SameTime to communicate with co-workers.  It's a chat tool built into Lotus Notes.  I can also see when they are away from their desks or in a meeting or do not wish to be disturbed.
• All I want to eat are burgers and fries.  And drink Coke.  Not that I do, but I want to.
• 
  

Welcome to the 21st century

This past week I had FIOS installed, which not only provides me with wireless access to the Internet but also gives me unlimited long distance (I have been using my prepay cell phone for LD), call waiting (don't really care about that), and caller ID.  Also, my answering machine (which occasionally would record nothing but static) is now redundant, as the service provides its own voice mail.  My phone system is up to the changes, too, which I did not know beforehand.  Wow.

Today I bought a new TV.  I don't watch much television, but I do like movies, usually foreign movies, movies with subtitles which were becoming more and more difficult to read on my 18-year-old Sanyo.  My SO and I were just browsing on a rainy day and wound up in HH Gregg, and there was a TV that suited my criteria:  42", less than $500, and a brand name that begins with an S (in this case, Samsung).  Okay, then.  It's a little big for my livingroom, but I am getting used to it.

And a new digital camera is winging its way to my house.  I have a digital camera, but it is old, there is some kind of flaw on the lens, and lately it has been eating batteries.  Time for an upgrade.

No, I have not won the lottery.  (And if I did win the lottery, the first thing I would buy would not be electronics, but custom made footwear.)  The FIOS is not costing me more than my current telephone and Internet service, I have been in the market for a new TV for over a year, and the camera is nothing fancy, just a point-and-shoot.  It is simply that everything came together at one time, like electronic destiny or something.  I am pretty good at saying NO and depriving myself of many luxuries, both big and small, but eventually the time comes for YES.  Also, when something annoying can be fixed with a little money (and one has the money), why not?

What have you done lately to stimulate the economy?

Most useless PowerPoint I've ever seen

Slide 1:  Meeting title
Slide 2:  Meeting agenda, 3 items, plus time for questions
Slide 3:  Meeting agenda, with item 1 highlighted
Slide 4:  One line summary of agenda item 1
Slide 5:  Meeting agenda, with item 2 highlighted
Slide 6:  One line summary of agenda item 2
Slide 7:  Meeting agenda, with item 3 highlighted
Slide 8:  One line summary of agenda item 3
Slide 9:  Questions?

I hope no one printed this out.

Still whining

Many of the bloggers I follow tend to post during the week, then disappear over the weekends.  I work on a computer all day, thus am reluctant to do more of the same in the evenings Monday through Friday.  But weekends?  I'm there, right online, where I feel like I belong.

And soon I may be online at home even more, as I am contemplating upgrading from DSL to FIOS.  The two-year-guaranteed price for the DSL is drawing to a close, and I figure if I am going to pay more anyway, I might as well get more.  I kept putting it off, though, and now I am reaping the benefits of my procrastination.  Yesterday I received in the mail an offer that will basically give me FIOS for the same price as I have been paying for DSL, with a two-year-guarantee on the rate.  Whoo-hoo!  Sign me up!

In work related news, I still hate my new responsibilities, but I am catching on and hence don't feel so overwhelmed.  Also, I have become a bit of a folk hero.  We are moving to a new building this summer, and the new podlike furniture is being test-driven right next to my cubicle.  Last week, the first test team was replaced by a second test team, which included an individual who bathes in perfume each day.  I tend to be sensitive to scents to begin, and this particular one not only gave me a headache, but made me feel physically ill.  I posted a message on our company's version of FB/MyS about how, given that we will be working in closer quarters and without intervening cubicle walls, we all need to be cognizant of the scents we wear, be they perfume, cologne, or scented lotions.  Not only did I receive positive responses online (one of which was from the boss of said offender - yay!), I have been verbally thanked in the halls by people who I don't even know.  All of this goes against my philosophy of keeping a low profile, but the Perfume Queen has not been in the pod since and I feel so much better, it is worth it.

Books:  I finished Horse Boy.  A film crew accompanied the family to Mongolia (that was one way they were able to finance the trip), so I am interested in seeing the DVD.  Most of us know at least on person who falls in the autistic/Asperger spectrum (whether we know it or not), but rarely do we get an inside glimpse of what parenting such a child is like.

(As an aside, I recently commented to some friends that I thought, were I to pursue it, I might be diagnosed as falling somewhere on the Asperger spectrum, citing my social difficulties.  None present said, "Oh, no!  Not you!"  Which is telling, I think.)

Other books:  Finished listening to U Is for Undertow.  Excellent, which is par for the course for Sue Grafton.  Also read Shadow Tag, by Louise Erdrich, which was totally engrossing, but the ending felt abrupt and inconsistent with what went before.  It was almost like Erdrich was facing a deadline and needed to wrap things up, and did so, jarringly and without grace.  This is a problem I have encountered frequently in recently read novels, and a trend that I don't like.

I just started After the Ice, by Alun Anderson, which promises to be excellent if depressing.

Movies:  Watched "The Door in the Floor".  Engrossing but a bit uneven, starting in sadness, veering into comedy, then concluding with one of those odd endings where things just kind of work out all right, even for those who do not deserve to have things go well.  A good film for budding writers, as Jeff Bridges plays an author/illustrator of children's fiction and provides the personal assistant he hires for the summer with a few nuggets of writing wisdom.

Also watched "Canvas" which is about a family in crisis because the mom is schizophrenic and forcibly hospitalized.  It's told from the ten-year-old son's perspective and is the perfect film to watch if you need a good cry.

Can't lose for winning

Not a day goes by where I don't wish they (my bosses) would sever me.  If such a thing happened, I would burst into tears of gratitude, grab my severance, and sprint for the door.  But corporate politics being what they are, my head is not on the chopping block, despite my subtle attempts to put it there.

No one has officially announced anything anywhere, but I am now a release manager (or something like that).  I spend most of my days directing email traffic (when I'm not ignoring it or watching Lotus Notes freeze up).  Last week I was near meltdown, so stressed my face went numb.  This past week was not so bad.  I had to lead the weekly status meeting, though, and when I saw who was attending, I thought, At last, someone upstairs will see how incompetent I am and start that severance ball rolling.

But no.  Instead, Mr. Big told my mentor that he liked the way I led the meeting.  What leading?  I didn't do anything! All I can figure out is my mentor is ambitious and a bit confrontational in an attempt to impress, and I'm neither.  Maybe Mr. Big finds that refreshing.

Anyway, after this little episode, it occurred to me that too many people have a vested interest in believing I am doing a good job, whether I am or not.  Whatever.  It also occurred to me that I don't have to be like my mentor.  The project is high profile (and being on such a project is against my slacker religion), but I am happy to share the limelight (and the work) with the whole team.  Meanwhile, I wonder how long I can use the excuse that I am new to explain away my screw-ups.

Besides routing email, I also spend a lot of time in meetings.  We have Web-Based Conferencing, so all we far flung team members can participate through the magic of technology, video on our PCs and audio on our phones.  I long ago switched to using a hands-free headset so I can knit type notes.  The downside is, just as popular songs can become ear worms, the sing-song sound of accented English can haunt my brain cells long after I've said good-bye.  It's like I am in a crowded room with the sound of conversation going on in the background.  Even when I wake up in the middle of the night - especially when I wake up in the middle of the night - the voices are there.  I'm never alone.

Fortunately for me, everyone I work with speaks English very well, better even than some of my American co-workers.  The only ones I have trouble understanding are the Indians, because they tend to speak rapidly but softly.  I do get a kick out of the little mistakes the different nationalities make:  pronouncing "synonyms" as syNONyns, making "closed" a two-syllable word (the Latvians do that), writing "rump down" instead of "ramp down", etc.    There is one phrase I'm not sure of the origin, though:  they talk about "clubbing" defects or reports, as in grouping them.  Sounds violent.

I guess that is enough for now.  Happy trails to you!

Excuses

One reason I don't post  very often is, all I want to do is complain about my job. Friday I nearly had a meltdown. FYI - if you dab at your eyes with cheap ass toilet paper, it shreds and sticks to your eyelids. Fortunately, I noticed this before I left the restroom.

Onto other topics: I read an article in Tricycle about "green meditation". Essentially, when it gets dark, you don't turn on the lights. Instead, you go to bed, and if you can't sleep, you meditate. Like vegetarianism, the general idea sounds inviting, but the logistics are difficult to imagine, especially if you have a job, a family, friends, or a life of any sort outside the home. At this latitude, in winter one would be in the dark 16 hours a day, and in the summer barely 8. However, I do enjoy rising before the sun and sitting in the dark with my coffee.  Does that count?

Still working on Horse Boy. They are in the middle of nowhere, on horseback, traveling to the reindeer people.

Also listening to U Is for Undertow. Not all fiction works in audio form, but the Sue Grafton series does.

Oh, yeah

Now I remember what it is I hate about having a management-type job: it doesn't feel like real work. Yesterday it was like I was playing "Operator" - developer A tells me he fixed a defect and sends me a file, and I send the file to deployer B and ask if he can deploy it today; when B says okay, I ask tester C if deploying the fix will interrupt testing; when C says it's okay, I tell B to go ahead and deploy; then I wait for B to tell me if the deployment was successful. Which it wasn't, because for some reason a "node" was down, which was causing business analyst D to panic. For this I went to college? Twice? Retirement cannot come soon enough.

Most recent evenings I have been watching the Olympics, which is mildly entertaining and surprisingly engrossing. I'm not attracted to action movies, but wipe-outs on skates or skis? I'm so there. If I was the boss of the Olympics, though, I would turn it back into amateur competition. The primary rules would be, you can enter only one event, and once you have won a medal, you can never return. We could call it the Olympics for Real People.

I finished Bright-Sided. It was okay. Some of my friends are into the Law of Attraction and The Secret and I was hoping B-S would supply me with some ammunition against their magical thinking. But it didn't. Barbara Ehrenreich's bias is about all that carries the book, although the history of positive thinking was interesting. (I didn't know I was such a Calvinist.) Anyway, we all engage in magical thinking in one form or another, which is okay as long as it doesn't supplant critical thinking.

Now I am reading Horse Boy, which is about an autistic kid with an affinity for animals. The dad is convinced his son can be healed if they seek out shamans in Mongolia. No, this is not fiction, which is what makes it such a compelling story.

Somewhere in there, I watched "Bon Voyage" which I would describe as a French romantic farce. It must not have made much of an impression on me because all I can remember is that Gerard Depardieu was in it. Oh! Wait! It was about an actress and her besotted childhood friend in pre-World War II France. Gerard played a government minister the actress was leeching off. Not exactly a fun time in history, but the movie did make me laugh.

The cream rises until it sours

No, I did not get a promotion at work, but my job title did. They posted for the position my co-worker left vacant when he won the position in another department we were both vying for. The posting carries the same title as mine, same level as mine, but I can't do 90% of what they list under skills and responsibilities. At first, I felt bad about myself over this, like I should magically be able to perform those duties despite having no training or coaching in them. But I hired in as a programmer, lo those many years ago, and that is what I am. If it is not what they want anymore, they can sever me. Please.

I am one of those follow-your-bliss proponents, but ironically, my bliss has emigrated. If I want to write code these days, I will have to relocate to Riga or Bangalore or Bratislava. It would be something to consider were I younger, but not in the twilight of my career. And I don't begrudge the off-shore IT people. Everyone needs a job, whether they are in India or Indiana. I consider it a passive way to redistribute wealth.

Meanwhile, closer to home, the yoga studio I used to frequent has split. Again. A couple of months ago, one teacher left to open her own studio, taking a few other teachers with her. Now, the remaining studio has split in two. I stopped attending classes there because the levels of intensity and the class schedule did not suit me anymore. Instead, I have been practicing at home, which I find I really enjoy. I can select which poses I want, hold them as long as I want, rest when I'm tired, gear things up or crank things down to suit my energy level, etc. I don't have to drive anywhere, worry about whether I shaved my pits, take chlorophyll prophylactically in case I get gassy, wonder how germy the floor is, etc. Now I am wondering if part of my unease at the studio was due to the developing rifts. For now, though, I am content to practice at home.

Speaking of germs, I have started using my neti pot. I bought it quite a while ago, then let it moulder under the bathroom sink while I slowly gathered the other materials I deemed necessary for its use: a plastic measuring cup (did not want a glass one in the bathroom), a measuring spoon, non-iodized salt. Then all that stuff sat for a long time before, suddenly, I crossed some line and decided to go for it. One thing I have discovered is, a lot of snot accumulates in my sinuses every 24 hours. Another thing is, the chlorine in my tap water stings my sinuses, so I use filtered water. We'll see if it helps with that little virus I suffer from periodically.

For the record, I finished Trauma Farm and started Bright-Sided.

What else is new? Let's see. I'm losing what little enthusiasm I had for FB, primarily because I've discovered just how tiresome some of my friends are. I'm surprised at how vehement a lot of them are about FB changes. It is just an app, a free (so far) one at that. If you don't like it, don't use it. How difficult is that?

Gurgle

I have a co-worker who has school-aged kids. The kids bring home all sorts of exotic germs, which my co-worker then brings to work to share with me. So today I am home fighting a cold. Symptoms so far: congested lungs, earache, headache, sore throat, fatigue. I thought about gutting it out and going to work anyway - showered and dressed and everything - since all I do is sit in a chair all day, but just the thought of climbing the stairs to my cubicle wore me out. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The more I learn about the project I am newly supporting, the less it appears I will have to do. It's a slick app with a finite set of requirements, a clean interface, plenty of functionality. My job is to support the released versions, but there are three more releases due out this year, so any problems that crop up will probably be fixed in one of the subsequent releases. And then, after the final release, support will segue to another department. So, what is it I am supposed to be doing here? I don't know, but everyone seems happy that I am on board to do it. Corporate IT - gotta love it.

Regarding the previously blogged about coat search, I did return to Kohl's to look over the men's coats, but I had the same problem there that I have with women's clothes: by the time they are on sale, my size is so picked over as to be non-existent. Is everyone in this city the same size as me, even the men? Hard to believe, but it's true.

In other random information, I think my dog's dreams and my dreams are starting to intersect. The other night I dreamed that she kept peeing in the house, and when we got up in the morning, the dog wanted out before eating. Unheard of.

Reading: Finished Anne Tyler's latest, Noah's Compass. Working on Trauma Farm. Maybe if I get energetic about it, reviews may be forthcoming. Or not. The short version is, thumbs up on both.

Movies: Watched "The Band's Visit". Thumbs up here, too. Now I have "The Thin Man". Yes, that movie. One of my fb friends has been watching them, which reminded me of how much I enjoyed them. So why not? Beats Mel Gibson.

Take your golf ball to work

My right heel still hurts, off and on, from the plantar fasciitis. My SO's daughter suggested rolling a golf ball around with my foot, so that is what I do at work when it is bothering me. At home, I use one of the dog's toy balls, a nubby thing that won't slide on the carpet. Hopefully, it will continue to improve because the latest health news says, it doesn't matter how healthy you eat or how much you exercise if you sit on your butt all day long. So now I am making a point of getting out of my chair at least once an hour at work. We'll pretend that is not affecting my productivity.

Speaking of work, this week I heard the final nail in my career coffin driven home. The short version is, I no longer do software development, since that has all been outsourced. Now I am doing product support, which is more like business analysis. Instead of writing code, I get to study the requirements and research defects and validate modifications, all those things I HATE. The only worse thing would be code reviews. Right now I am at the "study the requirements" stage, which is really difficult for me because I keep dozing off. I don't know how BAs do it. The software developers are in Riga. Maybe I will have to go visit.

What else is new? I broke down and bought some jeans. The only ones I had that I could still fit into were growing a crotch hole, and it was just a matter of time before they became indecent.

An aside: There is something about entering a clothing store that just makes me lose heart. I don't know if it is the plethora of unflattering choices or the fact I have the fashion sense of a doorknob or what, but it is all I can do to not run out of there in tears.

Anyway, I bought these jeans at Kohl's. They are Lee's. They are incredibly LONG. After washing, they are better but still too long. Maybe "boot cut" now means you are supposed to wear them with stiletto heels. They have some Spandex in them but don't feel like they have Spandex, if you know what I mean. Very comfy. But long.

While I was there, I also looked for simple, inexpensive tops to wear with my pj bottoms. I have looked for these multiple times in multiple stores. They don't exist, at least in the women's department, unless you want something that looks too stupid to wear even to bed. At Target, I had purchased some long sleeved T's in the men's department, but despite being 100% cotton, they were unwearable. They must have left the bolls in the cotton when they created the cloth. I gave them to the Goodwill; was that wrong? Anyway, at Kohl's I picked up a couple of waffle shirts from Men's Underwear. They are soft and warm and comfy!

I am in need of a new winter coat, too. I tried Dick's, where I discovered those nice insulated coats with a brand name I can't remember (North Country? North Face? North Something. Or maybe I am thinking of Columbia) are EXPENSIVE! So I looked for women's coats at Kohl's. I looked and I looked and I looked. They had a gazillion men's coats, but I could not find the women's. I finally asked someone - the coats were behind the bathing suits. There were not very many to choose from, they each weighed about ten pounds, and they were so puffy I could not get my arms in the sleeves. FAIL. But my SO purchased his coat at Kohl's last year, for a song, so I plan to return and check out the men's coats. And pick up more of those waffle shirts.

In other attempts to spend money, I have been trying to upgrade my DSL to FIOS (FIber OpticS). The Verizon website is a nightmare to navigate, but I also find all the deals they offer to be confusing. Brand new customers get the best deals, of course, but I doubt it would pay to discontinue my existing service long enough to become a new customer. I used to get an offer from them almost everyday in the mail. The offers trailed off during xmas, but they are starting to arrive again. I'm trying not to get obsessed with getting the best deal, but I would really like a free Netbook when I sign up. My SO bought one and it is so CUTE!

What else is new? Not much. Same-o same-o. Plan to spend the day making a butt dent on the couch while I watch football and knit. Sounds like a plan. Go Colts!

Brrrrrrrrr!

I'm having a difficult time summoning any enthusiasm for cross country skiing this morning. The snow is lovely, just perfect in fact, but it is NINE FREAKIN' DEGREES OUT! Never mind that skiing always warms me up, just the idea of being out in it is daunting. It's cold enough INside the house, let alone OUTside.

The only "resolutions" I came up with this year were to practice yoga every other day, and walk on the days in between. My goal was (notice past tense - heh) to do one or the other every day and not substitute other activities for either. I haven't done too badly, but again, this cold weather is difficult to overcome. And now I have plantar fasciitis.

The good news is I found out that my weight problem may not be from eating too much, but from sleeping too little. Someone somewhere did a little study (and if I weren't so lazy, I would look up the facts here), asking a group of women to change nothing about their lifestyle except to get at least 7.5 hours of sleep a night. After six weeks, every one of those women lost weight, between 6 and 15 pounds, I think. I know I eat more when I am tired, so this makes perfect sense to me.

More good news (depending on how you look at it) is the discovery that the calorie counts on packaged foods and restaurant menus are frequently off, and are allowed to be off by up to 20%. (Again, too lazy to find the article, but it's online somewhere, so Google it, folks.) And the errors always seem to be calorie counts that are less than they are in reality. Why is this good news? It explains how I can count calories and still not lose weight. I'm drifting away from packaged foods and restaurant dining more and more these days, anyway, and now I have added reason to.

Hmm. It's 15 degrees now. I'm running out of excuses.

How I spent my xmas vacation

I can't believe I have to go to work tomorrow. I've been on vacation since Dec. 23, and that week I worked from home quite a bit, so it feels like I have been away from the office forever. As usual, I started my hiatus with a laundry list of Things To Do, and some were accomplished but most weren't because they were things I really didn't want to do, so why should I spend my vacation doing them? Today I will probably try to cram some of those chores in; even if I don't want to do them, they really need to be done.

Yesterday I got dressed for the first time in days. Wore a bra and everything. Not that I have been lounging around in pjs or (worse) cooking naked. Sweat or yoga pants, a sports bra mostly for nipple protection, and sneakers have been my uniform. Once dressed, I actually drove out of town on an errand to the middle of nowhere. I'm not a total hermit.

When I have an extended staycation like the past ten days, I try to pretend that I am retired, but the paradigm doesn't really shift. I can't make any long term commitments or completely abandon my sleeping schedule or let everything go to hell if I want. I do a lot of thinking, though, which sometimes is a good thing but sometimes not.

One thing I have been contemplating is what to do about this blog. Lately it has degenerated into movie reviews and whines about work. I have two readers who are not spambots. I maintain two other personal blogs, one about knitting and one about my home and garden, and I sorta maintain blogs for two non-profits, which should be enough but it's not. I can't decide what to do, though, so I guess I will do nothing. For now.

1000 Journals

“It's more important to do something personal than to do something important. That's what I think now.” — 1000 Journals

My SO and I watched this documentary last night. In a nutshell, a graphic designer who calls himself SomeGuy took one thousand blank books, added artwork to the covers, stamped the inside with instructions - keep for two weeks, add whatever you want, pass it on, send it back when it is full - and launched them into the world. His goal was to spark our innate creativity, that fresh way we looked at the world when we were young. "1000 Journals" contains interviews with some of the contributors and how the project impacted their lives. No one was "saved" but everyone gave something and gained something from participating. According to the website FAQ, only one has come back, but in the movie, I think more like two dozen did. There was talk about a museum exhibit - not sure if that ever happened - and a book about the project was published and obviously this movie was made. Oh, and another project, 1001 Journals, came into being.

While I was intrigued by the idea and entertained by the movie, I'm not sure what to think about it all. I am one of those many adults who would not answer "YES" if asked whether I were an artist. In the not so distant past, I tried to keep a journal like these, something that contained more than my daily whine, but could not sustain any interest in it. But now that I am approaching the end of my 50's (GAH!), my interest in this sort of thing is increasing, not as an expression of creativity but as an exploration of my inner life, the real me, whoever that may be.

In the era of the Internet, keeping a journal of any sort on paper seems like an anachronism, but then how to explain the popularity of scrapbooking? In A Year of Cats and Dogs, the protagonist complains about how life has no plot. Maybe journals and scrapbooks and photo albums are our attempts to capture events and apply a storyline of some sort to our existence.

Julie and Julia

Back in my teen years, my mother grew a bit bored with the roast beef and meatloaf meals she had been cooking for decades. We were less than gracious about what we called her "gourmet cooking" but I don't recall refusing to eat what was served. I think she favored the Galloping Gourmet over Julia Child, but it was impossible to be alive in America back then and not to know who Julia Child was. Her style was as unique as William F. Buckley's.

Meryl Streep's Julia ranks right up there with Philip Seymour Hoffman's Capote and Kate Blanchett's Dylan and Hepburn. It would have been so easy to paint Julia's large personality with ridicule or farce, but that line was not crossed.

Briefly, the movie is about Julia Child's path to becoming a famous chef juxtaposed with Julie Powell's blog about cooking every recipe from Julia's first book in the course of a year. Quite frankly, I would have been happy with more of the former and less of the latter. While Julia is a cultural icon, Julie is a pop phenomenon, and a not very interesting one at that. I have to give her kudos, though, for being able to bone a duck.

Amy Adams played Julie. She is one those actresses who morph enough with each role that I don't pick up on the fact that I have seen her in other movies, including important films like "June Bug" and "Doubt". Ditto Stanley Tucci as Paul. I raked over his filmography, trying to figure out just where I've seen him before. It appears I've seen him all over the place, but not in any roles that stick in my mind.

This movie could have been the story of a great romance. I wish someone loved me the way Paul loved Julia. And I wish I loved someone like Julia loved Paul. Maybe I need to cultivate a big personality, a grating falsetto, and a love of French cooking.

Religulous

A few weeks ago, my neighbor called, wanting to foist some Mad Ants basketball tickets onto me. I told him I had other plans, but I did not elaborate, because those plans involved a butt dent in the couch and watching Bill Maher make fun of religion in "Religulous". Some people would not think that was funny.

But I did. Religion, and the people who practice it, are easy targets for ridicule. I just don't understand how an individual can reject scientific evidence that supports the concept of evolution and yet believe in talking snakes, virgin birth, and raising people from the dead, without suffering enough cognitive dissonance to make his/her head explode.

I confess that I lack the capacity (or the imagination?) to make the leap of faith that religion requires. And I have tried, I truly have. I can get excited about becoming a believer for about 15 minutes, but then it all just fades away. Consequently, while I found "Religulous" to be entertaining, it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. The movie was obviously edited for comedic effect as well, so any insight it might appear to provide should be taken with a grain of salt.

Not a movie review

Not that I don't have a movie to watch from Netflix. I have a bad habit of not watching my Netflix movies in a timely fashion, a habit I was trying to break - hence, the sequence of movie reviews - but now I am back to my old wastrel tricks.

So what have I been up to? Well, I went on a business trip last week. I complain a lot about my job and I don't always agree with how I am managed, but there are very few really bad things I can say about my employer, especially when they own what amounts to a time share in private jets. And that is how found myself in this...



... eating this...



... with a view like this.



The problem is our fair city is very expensive and difficult to fly in and out of, and the company's solution is NetJets. This was my first time on board, and it puts commercial flight to shame. There is no security to pass through, none of this get-to-the-airport-hours-ahead-of-time. In fact, I was late due to an accident on the highway and THEY WAITED FOR ME. And the steward brought us coffee and breakfast when we took off and hot towels when we arrived(!!!)

The time at HQ was not very interesting. We were seated in the "basement" with the contractors, and this was our view:



Believe it or not, there is a deer in that picture. My travelling companion and I were so excited, you'd think we had never seen wildlife before. And, for me, that was the highlight of the trip. That, and getting to watch "Monday Night Football" and back-to-back-to-back reruns of "Law and Order: SVU".

The low point was getting sick from the salad bar in the cafeteria - the shrimp cooties in the mango and shrimp salad must have jumped across to the asparagus (I'm allergic to shellfish). The upside was I missed the company party, bowling followed by a meal in a shrimp-infested hibachi restaurant. By the time I felt better, it was time to go home.

Gran Torino

I like Clint Eastwood. I like most Clint Eastwood movies. "Gran Torino" is no exception.

Basically, the story involves recently widowed Walt who lives in a changing neighborhood. Walt likes to growl and complain. Estranged from his own family, he unwillingly gets involved with the Hmong family next door. There is gang violence involved, and Walt decides he has to do something about it.

Like most Clint Eastwood movies, it is best not to examine this one too closely, or you will notice that there is only one multi-dimensional character and that the rest of the cast is there to move the plot along. And don't think too much about how good-natured the Hmong are about being called a wide variety of racial epithets. And don't get caught up in wondering if your own death will have meaning.

Instead, laugh out loud when Walt decides to "man up" his teenage neighbor Thao by teaching him how men talk to each other (it involves a lot of profanity and ethnic slurs) and cry a little about the need for some to drag down the others and nod approvingly at the surprisingly satisfying ending.

Mystic River

Many years ago, I watched "Mystic Pizza" so I assumed "Mystic River" took place in a southern Connecticut port town. But no, it's Boston based. A second level of confusion resulted in the fact that one character is named "Sean" but not the character played by Sean Penn, who is "Jimmy". Just as I can't keep track of who has the ball when the Vikings play Green Bay, I had trouble keeping the names straight, except for "Dave". And I did not realize this was a Clint Eastwood-directed film until the end, when the credits rolled.

This was one long, slow-paced, dark movie. I don't think there was a moment of levity in the whole thing. And a certain amount of knowledge had to be inferred from the dialog. Fortunately, my daughter was on hand to keep me up to speed.

The basic story line is, three eleven-year-old boys are deeply affected by what happens to one of them, Dave. Flash forward 25 years, and we see that one is a cop and one is a petty thief turned local boss of his own little fiefdom, while damaged Dave acts kind of dumb but is smarter than we think. Jimmy's nineteen-year-old daughter is brutally murdered, and Sean the cop works the case. He and his partner focus on one likely candidate after another, but by the time they nab the perpetrator, one of their suspects becomes fish food.

This movie reminds me of "Unforgiven" - another Clint Eastwood movie - which I "got" but could not explain. Things are not tied up in a neat little bundle in the end. If you can stand that kind of uncertainty, this may be a movie for you.

To Joy

I'm a fan of Ingmar Bergman, but I found "To Joy" a bit difficult to watch. The acting seemed overwrought, even for 1950, and the story a bit disjointed. Fortunately, it was a short film.

But there were some solid themes running through it:
* What happens when we find out we are not as special as we thought?
* How do we parse out freedom and responsibility?
* Where does love go when it takes a holiday? And how do we lure it back?

I watch (read) a lot of foreign films and wonder about the nuances of the translations. And I'm not very familiar with most of the classical music that punctuated this movie. I think I would have appreciated the movie more were I better educated.